The bridge between Heaven and Hell is, well, long. It’s very, very long. And I’m smack dab in the middle of it. It’s exposed, it sways, it creaks and cracks with every step.

There’s no way to tell which way is heaven, and which way is hell. No landmarks, no written signs. Just my state of mind.

Where am I on the bridge between

Protection and Vulnerability

Advancement and Decay

Worry and Optimism

Anger and Compassion

Disappointment and Grattitude

Struggle and Ease

Strength and Tenderness

Survival and Expansion

Knowledge and Curiosity

Boredom and Excitement

War and Peace

Future and Past

Birth and Death

Visibility and Invisibility

Justice and Mercy

Individualism and Collective

Pain and Pleasure

Suffering and Joy

Hate and Love

Uncertainty and Certainty

Firmness and Softness

Unfamiliarity and Beauty

Physicality and Spirituality

Expressing and Listening

Acting and Observing

Dream and Reality

Celebration and Grief

Yin and Yang

Feminine and Masculine

Giver and Receiver

Taker and Nurturer

Destiny and Freewill…

I’m somewhere on this bridge between Heaven and Hell. And somehow…maybe I’m starting to see patterns on this bridge? I look around myself and suddenly…

I see water. Frozen water, moving clouds, falling rain, still lakes, rushing rivers, and Earth moving oceans.

I see trees. Eating the warm sunlight, giving the cool breeze. Taking in what we breath out, giving us what we breathe in. Stretching up, and stretching down. Movement and stillness.

I see the equinoxes. The moment summer turns to fall, and winter turns to spring.

I see existence. The precious moments between birth and death. The beautiful transitions from one unknown to another, to another, to another.

I see dancing and painting, I hear music and singing, I read poetry and stories- it is the sacred moment that feeling becomes expression, pain becomes joy, individuality becomes collectivism, the receiver becomes the giver, isolation becomes community, past and future merge into one moment.

I see myself. A daughter and a mother. One moment I am full of awe and adoration for my kids, and in another I am drowning in overwhelm, rage, resentment for this job. One moment I feel sexy and intimate, and the next I want nothing more than to be alone. One moment I’m walking on the beautiful trails and breathing in gratitude for life, and the next I’m realizing that the leaders of this land that I’m enjoying may likely kill a mother just like me and her children across the world in her home own home. One moment I’m thinking about activism and how to rise up, and the next I’m thinking about preparation and how to keep us as safe as possible. One moment I’m a friend to someone in need, and the next I’m using those same friends to validate my own low self-esteem. One moment I’m making something beautiful that I love, and the next I’m throwing it in the trash. Then I’m publishing it to be read. Releasing the song to be heard. Wondering if it matters at all.

This is the bridge between Heaven and Hell. You’re on it too. Maybe we could walk it together.